Well it’s time to pack my stuff again and get ready for my next trip. I am feeling a bit sad and I will definitely miss this place and this window where I often sit by and contemplate about my life. It was nice look outside and enjoy the nice cool breeze coming from the rice fields. I know now it was the right thing to come back here after what happened with Dian. I am glad I listened to my friend Ina who was saying: “Don’t let one bitch ruin your entire life. Don’t let her control you, she doesn’t deserve that”. Indeed coming back here helped me healing and brought closure to this bad chapter of my life. I am glad that this time I chose not to run away from the problem and just did the best I could to deal with it and move on. I am also glad I discover Reiki which really helped me recover and a opened a new realm of possibilities for the future. I thank Ina for that as well. Speaking of future I don’t know what will happen next. There are many uncertainties that prevent me to make a decision just yet. But time is on my side and I am confident things will take shape very soon. Anyway I know I will be back here at some point. But now I need to head back to Italy and reunite with my family in preparation for Christmas.

Some people think that not having expectations will protect them from getting hurt. I am not sure that convinces me. Because when I do the most spontaneous little thing to make someone happy, even if I don’t expect anything at all, I get disappointed if I see I am not somehow appreciated. It’s human nature. And sometime hearing “thank you” is not enough, we want that appreciation to be somewhat special like the gift we gave. But people often forget, maybe because they are absorbed in their own problems, or it’s not important to them or not in their norms, and sometime because they simply don’t expect anything from people. They think that not expecting anything works for them and so it should work for anyone else around them. And inevitably that will end up hurting someone like me, because I am sensitive to others just like I am sensitive to myself. It’s interesting to note that these people are more likely to devote their appreciation to someone they admire, someone of greater importance, like a teacher, a leader, or some form of God. But they will not give too much importance to simple people like me, as the gift that they received was just too simple, frivolous. It is so sad to witness such behaviour but maybe that is what it takes to survive in this world… Nevertheless I rather be a simple guy doing my simple things. I really should not lose focus of who I am,  and I am not going to show others my disappointment because a gift is a gift. Eventually I hope someone will appreciate me.

I woke up early today to go to the Ubud market and stock up on fruit and veggies. I am feeling better every day, the serenity of this place is definitely helping to recover from the terrible experience I went through with Dian. I am also excited that tonight I will have my first Reiki session. Finally I can concentrate more on myself and do what I like the most. These days I am back to writing on my blog, reorganising  it and prepare it again to go live. Writing on my blog has always helped. After I left China about a year ago, I got lazy and started using Facebook instead. I guess not having the Chinese censorship in the way, which was blocking it in China, made Facebook more attractive for a while. But my experience on the world’s largest online community was a bit of a disappointment. The daily feed is full of crap, commercials and boring people. It becomes a routine every day to scroll up and down and try to find something interesting, what a waste of time.  I felt it is more of a social “show off” place to keep your friends updated on what you do and where you are. But do I care about that? Honestly I didn’t feel at ease at posting real personal stuff in such a superficial arena.  My blog instead is a place that I call my own. I could care less about a “like”. I write for my own enjoyment, to let it all out. My blog is like my friend, my good friend because here I feel more comfortable to write my own thoughts and feelings.  It’s more personal and I feel less judged,  and above all it really helps me to understand who I am, what I need and where I am heading.